A So Cal Girl in the Desert

Last night we went over to our friends', Mr. and Mrs. W's, house to check out their new backyard. The backyard was awesome, but not the most memorable part of the evening. On our way out the door, we discovered two wandering dogs. One of which continued his journey down the street, and the other, an old Black Lab named Coffee, couldn't resist a good stranger scratch. He was super friendly with kissing and all. Hubby called all three numbers on the tag, and all were disconnected. I pulled a leash out of my Mary Poppins Pet Bag and hitched Coffee up. He seemed perfectly happy to go along with whatever.

Hubby followed Coffee's buddy while Mrs. W, Little W, B, and I went the way the dogs came from to try to find the home. We knocked on a few doors and got clues from neighbors that we were headed in the wrong direction. Coffee was no help, as he would have been happy making himself part of any family we approached. We headed in the other direction and, with the help of neighbors, pretty much figured out where Coffee belonged. Rang the doorbell. No answer. Odd because their garage was open. We poked our head in the very dark garage and said "hello?" The response we got was a bark and a howl, and after several minutes, Coffee's friend, some sort of hound dog mix, emerged from a doggie door at the back of the garage, which was in the door that led to the laundry room. The buddy dog wasn't as friendly, but didn't attack or anything. Both dogs had the same collars and tags, so we knew we had found Coffee's real home.

I figured we had to secure the dogs inside, so I boldly entered the garage and headed for where I thought the light switch might be. Click! Now buddy dog started barking again and headed back in through the doggie door. I tried to push Coffee in, but he wanted to stay with me. Smart dog. I thought that if I could get Coffee inside and find the block panel for the doggie door, I could lock them inside. The panel was no where to be found, so I figured it must be in the laundry room. No harm in trying the door, right? I grabbed the handle, turned it and...

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP... I guess the "Brinks" sign in the front yard should have been a clue, but when doggie welfare is in jeopardy, I can't think clearly about anything else. Mrs. W said "Hang on to that dog, Kristen. He's your alibi." At least one of us was thinking. We also made sure that the angelic-faced kids stuck around.

Coffee kissed me as we waited for the heat to arrive and take me into custody. I waved to them as they pulled up to the front of the house, and Mrs. W went on and on about what a good deed I did and how I'm a pet sitter and how we were concerned about the safety of the dogs and the security of the home...The cops looked suspicious at first, but then realized that we were truly caring neighbors and decided to help us rather than arrest us. Whew! They had us hold the dogs while they searched the house, just in case.

Guns drawn, they shouted at the doorway, "PINAL COUNTY SHERIFF! WE ARE ABOUT TO ENTER THE HOME! IF SOMEONE IS INSIDE, COME OUT NOW!" They repeated that a couple of times, and then said "WE HAVE A DOG!" Heh. Lying sons of...well, they had Coffee, but I don't think that's what they meant. They entered the house all "movie cop" like, crouching down and covering each other. It was a bit frightening. I mean, you see that on TV a lot, but how often do you see it live, within bullet range? They came out after a few minutes, officially announcing that the coast was clear. They helped us put the dogs in the house. I left a note for the family along with a business card (hey, I should get a bit of advertising for all my troubles!). One of the cops pulled the whole "push the button and run, then jump over the sensor while crouching so you don't bash your head on the descending door" move on the garage door (successfully, on the first try, I might add), and we were all done with the drama.

They thanked us for being such good neighbors, and gave each of the kids a pat on the head. No stickers, though.

Kermit and N.A.S.H.A. are featured on this week's 85239.com "Getting to Know..." article! Check it out!

Man, it's been a really long time since I've posted. I'm sure I've lost my small, but loyal, following. We shall see.

So I'm just about recovered from the flu, which turned into a severe sinus infection. When nothing but dried blood was coming out of my nose for two days, I decided to go to the doctor. He gave me a shot of antibiotics, a prescription for a bottle of liquid antibiotics to be drunk all at once, and a prescription for decongestants. I still can't hear very well out of my right ear, but, other than that, I'm good. Didn't get much work done while I was sick, so I've been spending all my time trying to catch up. No blogging for me!

My husband had his 30th birthday on January 9th. Old man! Only three more months before I hit the big 3-0! I was super sick on his birthday, but I managed to make him a pan of lasagna, which is his favorite thing I make. Considering I can only reliably make lasagna, oatmeal, and coffee, this isn't saying much. But he at half the pan, so I guess that says something. Gave him a store-bought cake (I was proud of myself for making it out of the house...probably infected half the population in the city), and made sure it had the big "3" and "0" candles. His real birthday bash was the following Saturday. His mom flew out here to take care of B, and I took hubby to Vegas to try to make him feel young again. He knew I was taking him, but he didn't know that all his friends would be there. It was such a fun surprise! I took him to a bar that we had all agreed on, and there everybody was. SURPRISE! He looked over his shoulder to see who was getting a surprise party, then once the faces registered in his brain, he realized it was him. We had some cocktails, did a bit of gambling, and then got freshened up for dinner. We met first at the bar in the Bellagio that has a view of the water show, which was so nice. (Can't remember the name of the bar, so the champagne must have done its job). There was a great cover band there, so we did a little pre-dinner dancing. Then we headed over to Mesa Grill at Caesar's. The food was great, and we had such a blast. After that, we met Brennen's high school friend, who happens to live in Vegas. Her husband is a club reviewer for one of the papers, so he gets all these perks. They took us to two clubs where we got VIP treatment. We got a table and bottle service. We had the best time. We never go to clubs, so it was a huge treat, and so fun to spend the time with our friends. I think we pulled of a great birthday party for him. For his 31st, he'll be lucky if he gets Mac'n'cheese. My brother-in-law's girlfriend is supposed to send some pictures this weekend, so if I we don't look too drunk and disorderly, I'll post a few.

As you might imagine, there has been a TON of progress on the house. Since my last post...

The exterior was painted:



The cabinets and railings have been installed:



Our backyard has been walled in:



The driveway and path to the front door has been poured:



The exterior and interior lighting fixtures have been installed, and the walk deck railing was put up:



They added some pipes and stuff to the pool:



They started laying the tile:



And just this morning, the kitchen counters went in:



Can you believe it? Things are really taking shape! It is such an exciting time. This morning there was so much work going on that I couldn't really even walk around the house. We've had to have a couple of battles over things not being done right, which is stressful and time-consuming, but, overall, things are going really smoothly. It won't be long, now! Yesterday the superintendent asked me if I was getting frustrated and stressed. I told him "No, I'm not frustrated and stressed. I was frustrated and stressed over the past year while the house sat with no progress. Now I'm ecstatic!"

More progress on the house! Today they had our house number placed. They'll have to move it because they haven't painted the house, yet, but it's cool to see! See:



I think it's kinda ugly, but it's our house number, so it's beautiful to me. The red spray paint around it looks a bit morbid, eh?

The hardware has been installed, too! Here's the front door handle:



They better not get paint on it. Sometimes the order of things just doesn't make sense to me.

But, wait. That's not all, folks! The supervisors also marked most of the boo-boos in the house. Some of which we pointed out to them, and some of which we never even noticed. Floor squeaks are marked with "SQ." Here's a big one at the top of the staircase:



They also totally messed up the placement of a light in the master bath. We had no clue. Funny to think that these marks will be on or floor forever.



So our house is all marked up. Ah, well! At least we know that stuff will get fixed. I spoke to Jason, our supervisor, this afternoon, and he said that they will start painting the exterior on Monday! They will also deliver cabinets on Monday and install them on Tuesday, and they will install the railings on Monday and Tuesday! From this point on, we'll need a key from the office to get into the house, so I might not get quite as many pictures. I'm sure you're all sick of them anyway!

On December 15th, I got a speeding ticket. Yes, grandma-driver me got a speeding ticket. It was deserved, but certainly not so compared to most of society. I was traveling along the 347 between Maricopa and Chandler after picking B up from school. I was in the slow lane going with the flow of traffic (75 in a 65) and got popped, along with about ten other drivers. We were ambushed, I tell you! They must have pulled us in the slow lane over because they couldn't catch the drivers gong 90 in the fast lane. It seems kinda unfair, but since my son was with me, and, technically, I was in the wrong, I couldn't make too much of a stink to the kind sir officer that approached my window.

He politely reported that I was traveling at a speed of 75 when the speed limit was 65. I said "You're probably right. Since I was traveling in the slow lane with the flow of traffic and drivers were passing me left and right in the fast lane, I didn't even look at my speedometer." Maybe not the best choice of words, but truthful. His response was "license and registration."

When he walked away to write the ticket, my son said, "Why are you getting a ticket when everyone else was going faster than you?" THAT'S how blatant it was. The eight year old saw the injustice. But I had to act like a grown up and try to pull some good out of this shitty situation, so I decided to try to make it a lesson for him. I said, "Well, B, while the other traffic was going much faster than I was, I was still speeding, and it wasn't right. Just because everyone else is breaking the rules doesn't mean it's okay for you or I to do it, too, and there are consequences if we do break the rules. Getting a speeding ticket and having to pay a lot of money is a grown-up consequence that's not very fun, so that's why we're trying to teach you now with kid consequences so you learn and you don't have to experience the grown-up ones."

He immediately said "Can I tell my dad you got a ticket?" Clearly, lesson learned: Kristen, my evil stepmother who always tells me when I'm wrong, screwed up, and I can't WAIT to tell someone.

I replied "Sure you can, as long as you tell him the lesson you learned as a result of my getting a ticket."

"Okay."

So we continued on home at a snail's pace. B read out loud the "You've just received a traffic ticket. What do you do now?" pamphlet the officer gave me, and reported that the code on my ticket corresponded to the $115.00 fine on the pamphlet. That didn't seem too bad. But then when you add in the cost of traffic school, and the hassle. Damn!

When we got home, B skipped through the front door and announced "Kristen got a speeding ticket!!!!" My husband immediately burst out in laughter. Great job on reinforcing the lesson, honey. I said to B, "and..." and he said "Um, and I learned not to go with the flow of traffic."

EXCELLENT! What does it take, kid? No, you learned that if you're gonna speed, be sure to outrun the cops. No...you learned that the faster you go, the fewer tickets you get. No... "You learned that even if everyone else is breaking the rules, it's not okay for you to break the rules."

"Oh, yeah," he said. "She has to pay $115.00, Dad!"

So it took me until yesterday to actually look at the ticket and the pamphlet. I hadn't gotten a speeding ticket for over ten years. Dang. My court date read: January 12, 2006, so I figured all I'd have to do between now and then was figure out where the court house is and get there and say "I plead, guilty, judge, but please pretty please let me go to traffic school so my insurance rates don't go through the f-ing roof." Not the case. Things are different here in the Zone.

If I want to go to traffic school, and it says I'm eligible on the pamphlet, I have to complete traffic school BEFORE my court date. Crap! I wondered if I still had time. I called the number for NTSI, the National Traffic Safety Institute, and spoke to Margie. She informed me that there are no traffic schools in my city, Maricopa. Duh. We just got a grocery store. And where would I like to go. "I'd like to go online, please." Duh. Why do anything clothed when you can do it in PJs is my motto. She said she would allow it, and after taking my credit card information, told me that $115.00 would be charged to my card, including the traffic ticket. SWEET! Going to traffic school costs no more than the original ticket. As I recall, this is NOT the case in CA. I now have to complete a 6-8 hour online course, during which they will ask me 20 personal questions about myself, which I will have to answer correctly to make sure it's me taking the course. So she started in on the questions. Do you own a home? Do you have any children? Do you have any pets? Is blue your favorite color? Have you ever been to Mexico? Have you ever been to Hawaii? Have you ever been to Europe? Is this your first speeding ticket? Is football your favorite sport? Are you married? Do you like hamburgers? On and on...I just hope I remember how I answered all the questions. And I hope that the government is not now keeping a top secret file on me and all my travels, food preferences, and roommates. Kinda scary, huh?

Anyway, after I successfully complete the course, I have to take an 83-question test in front of a notary. I guess that means I can't cheat, but not so! I've figured out a way. I'm not really a cheater. I hate people who cheat at board games, and I never cheated in school, but traffic school? Please! I'm a great driver. I'm going to take the easiest, quickest, least honorable way out of this mess. Who knows? I might even learn a few choice AZ traffic laws that don't exist in CA, even if I do cheat. I'll let you know if I turn up anything crazy. So here's my cheating plan: 1) Wait 'til they send me the test in the mail. 2) Make a copy of the test. 3) Look up all the answers to the test online (so I don't have to read the whole darn thing) and write them down on the copied test. 4) Memorize the answers. 5) Go to the notary. That simple. But now that I put it in writing, maybe it would be more efficient to just read the whole thing. Hmmmm. I guess I'll have to decide once I start the course. To cheat or not to cheat? The age-old question.

If I successfully complete the course in time, the ticket gets wiped from my record, and I never even have to show my face in court. I just can't get another ticket for 24 months. That seems like a really long time, but when you consider it's been over ten years since my last ticket, it shouldn't be too rough. Plus, I'm kinda getting used to driving 65 on the 347. Grandma Kristen rides again!

The interior of our house was painted today, and I'm hoping that there is more than one coat. There must be, right? I'm going to wait to see before I sound the alarm, as we really have to pick our battles. I don't want to prematurely accuse anyone of poor workmanship. I thought that when the house was painted it would look more finished and look a whole lot better. What the paint really does is enhance all the flaws in the structure. Gaps in the baseboard seams, drywall dents, mashed trim. Hmmmmm. When everything looked rough and unpainted, it was hard to pick out the real flaws. Now that things are looking more finished, they're easy to spot. I'm hoping that the builder will go back through and fix everything, then do another coat. If not, we're going to have an awful lot of blue tape in our house (blue tape is what they use to mark homeowner-discovered flaws). We'll just have to see what happens over the next few days. Here's a picture...



UPDATE: My husband just got home and told me it was probably just primer. Duh.

How cute are my babies? They are taking a sun bath together right now, and they couldn't be any cuter! They have that puppy sleepy smell, and they are doing big sighs. Ahhhh. I think I'll go join them for a few minutes.