A So Cal Girl in the Desert

When I left my friends in California, all I was doing was crying. I woke up after my office going away party and couldn't open them at all. Well, we've been here now for five whole days, and I haven't cried one bit. My eyes (more specifically, my eyelids) are still giving me major problemas. What gives?

So they've been a little dry for the last few days. No biggie. My husband says he thinks they might be sunburned. Sounds logical to me. I mean, I've been lathering myself in sunscreen all over because it's been 115 degrees, but never once have I thought of putting that kind of protection on my eyelids. The sting seems more dangerous than the burn, ya know? Plus, I have my eyes open most of the time, so how could my eyelids be burned? Well, hubby says so, so it must be so. He's smarter than me about these types of things.

I wake up this morning and they are pretty swollen. Is this age catching up with me, and it just coincidentally coincides with my big move? Dry (scaly), puffy (wake up, girl), blistered (ewww, bumps), red (red) eyelids. Hm. Do I go to the doctor? What doctor? I have no knowledge of a doctor (don't worry, the hospital's right down the street in case of emergency). No, I go to Origins! Yes. They must have the answer...

My husband and stepson go with me, 'cause the air-conditioned mall sounds good. I walk in and see this girl. "Help me, please," I say. "Sure," she says. Her name is Care. That makes me feel good. She offers us breath mints. We take them. I say, "Look at my eyes." She does. I say, "I just moved here," which is pretty much my excuse for any mishap. "I think my lids might be sunburned."

"Where are you from?" she asks. "California," I admit. "What part?" she further inquires. Reluctantly, I tell her "the Los Angeles area." "No problem," she declares, knowingly, " this is really common." WHAT?! WAS SHE TELLING ME THAT THIS UNCOMFORTABLE EYE SITUATION IS REALLY COMMON IN PEOPLE FROM LOS ANGELES ONLY? Is there some weird Los Angeles-to-Phoenix eye epidemic? I didn't say that. "What do you mean?" I asked. She explained that my eyes are just adjusting to the change in climate, yadda, yadda. Duh. Does that also explain my diarrhea? I didn't ask that.

So she sold me sixty bucks worth of "Eye Doctor" day cream and "Night-A-Mins" night cream (am I seriously, seriously old enough for eye cream?) and threw in a sample of "No Puffery," which, she explained, "will do nothing for your eyes but make them feel better" as she applied it to my lids. Ahhhhhhh. This may be some take-down of Angelino women, I know. The whole "I'm-gonna-get-you-to-buy-eye-cream-until-you're-so-broke-you'll-have-to-move-back-to-California-with-your-in-laws thing." I asked her for a business card. This could be just the beginning of my troubles. Who needs a doctor? I'm all set. Care cares.